BuzzFeed
·5 min read
We recently asked 20-somethings and 30-somethings to tell us something that they REALLY disagree on with their parents or grandparents. Here are some of their answers:
1."My parents are absolutely convinced that people with tattoos are unemployable and that I threw away any chance of a career when I got one a few years ago, especially since it's on my arm in a place that isn't easily concealable year round. The fact that I have a corporate job in tech and that about half of my coworkers also have visible tattoos has not swayed their opinions."
—27, Massachusetts
2."Respecting elders. My mom refuses to understand my point of view when I say that I'll respect a person as an individual and not just because they're older than me. Unlike my parents, I refuse to 'respect' someone who disrespects me, no matter their age or relation to me (looking at you, my body-shaming, right-winger elder relatives)."
—Parvati, 33, India
3."Mental health exists, is entirely real, and guess what... you contributed to it. Generational trauma is hard enough to navigate without your parental figure(s) denying it and continually gaslighting everyone around them."
4."My parents cannot wrap their heads around platonic, opposite-gender friendships. Anytime I, a cisgender straight woman, became good friends with someone who was not also female the assumption was made that I had an unrequited love interest regardless of what anyone's relationship status was. It's embarrassing and insulting."
—38, Ohio
5."The amount of access owed to others because of cell phones. You'd think the generation that grew up without them would be used to having to wait to get in contact with people, but that's not the case. I only turn on my ringer and vibrate if I'm expecting a certain notification, and even then I usually have it on DND, which infuriates my grandma. It's too overstimulating and too much pressure otherwise (I'm neurodivergent which explains some of that)."
6."I'm vehemently opposed to spanking. My parents beat the crap out of me growing up while calling it 'spanking.' It made me hate them, and I learned how to lie better."
7."Kids' autonomy. My mother tries to force my nephew to hug her and it makes me so mad. I have discussed this numerous times with her. She huffs/rolls her eyes and everything I say goes out the window. I told her that’s exactly why I am not 'a hugger' — you forced me to hug family I hardly knew all my young life, and I hated it. If I protested it didn’t matter. My autonomy was not important."
—34, Tennessee
8."Several socio-political issues, but the biggest frustration is the need to turn EVERY. f*ckING. CONVERSATION. into a monologue moment. I can ask about something as simple as the weather and BAM. I’m being talked AT about whatever stupid thing they read on Facebook or heard on whatever news channel they’re watching today (it varies). Unfortunately, this seems to be a common theme. A lot of my friends are experiencing the same thing with their middle-aged parents."
9."The cost of everything. I actively try to avoid discussions about what I pay vs. what their expectations of payment are/were. Her relative standards are based on pre-2000 prices. We would go to the food store in the late '90s and have a $100 bill that would fill the entire cart. $100 now is a routine Target trip for toilet paper and essentials, let alone food."
—36, New Jersey
10."The most annoying thing I disagree with my family is that having one decent-paying job will get you a house. Not anymore. You need both people working, with one possibly working two jobs, and maybe you'll get a decent neighborhood."
11."Dieting, food restriction of any kind, stepping on a scale ever, and that 'obesity' is a 'cause' of any disease. It took me decades to unlearn the guilt-ridden and shameful relationship with food and my body instilled in me by the Low Fat 90s and Low Rise Jeans 2000s."
"My parents are healthy, privileged seniors — they play pickleball and golf, go running and biking, and have the freedom to eat a wide variety of whole, homemade food. But they're somehow still convinced they need to 'lose weight' to 'look better' or 'be healthier' and go on crash or fad diets all the time, which is the opposite of healthy behavior. I have had to be very firm with them about ditching the 'good' and 'bad' labels and make sure they don't mention restriction or weight loss being the way to be 'healthy' when talking about food in front of my kids. These kids will keep the intuitive eating cues they were born with, grow up loving their bodies, learn to nourish their tummies and brains with all kinds of food, and with any luck the next generation won't suffer like we did."
—38, Ontario
12."Gifts. My mom won't give cash or gift cards — she feels so guilty doing that. She believes giving an actual gift is much more personable even if the person has expressed that they would sincerely love to get cash or gift cards. Nope, they're getting a gift instead... even if it's something that will end up sitting on a counter never to be used."
13."I had an older family member try to flex by bragging about how he 'had' to pay for five storage units for his extra stuff. The guy was 100% serious that success is defined by material items and was shocked that I didn't have ANY storage units of extra junk. "
—Anonymous, US
14.And finally, "Well, first and foremost, I’m not racist."
Do you have any other topics you REALLY disagree about with your parents? Let us know in the comments.
Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
