1. "We broke up for about a year. The affair was extremely traumatizing for me, and I did a lot of therapy, grieved deeply, and drank way too much wine. A few months post-breakup, I decided to pick myself up. I signed up for hang gliding lessons (something I've always wanted to do) and hit some of the dating apps just for the confidence boost. Nothing really came from that. About six months after the breakup, my ex hit rock bottom. There was a traumatic death at his work, and he realized he couldn't drown his feelings in beer or drugs anymore. He saw how empty and alone he was. I was truly worried about him, so I visited him (he was in another state at that time) on the condition that he laid out the entire affair story for me, and every horrible detail that he didn't want to even face himself."
"It was painful but necessary. We talked regularly after that, and a few months later, we started dating again. I loved him deeply, but because of the work I had done, I knew I didn't need him.
It's been about three years now, and he's never been that guy again...that guy who ruined our lives. It's going well. Healing is a slow and painful process, but there's been no rug-sweeping.
We're building a new life together, and I'm glad to have him as my partner. I also think I have a healthier attachment to him now because I practically worshiped him before, and now I love him as a flawed human (like we all are)."
2. "I found out he was emotionally cheating on me with a woman from Canada (we live in the US). I broke up with him immediately. We would talk off and on because he was remorseful, and we shared a lot of hobbies. He decided to go to therapy and work on his issues without me asking him to. It was about two years later that we decided to give it another go."
"We have been together now for two years now, and we have slowly built the trust back up with a lot of honest, heartfelt talks. I wouldn't have taken him back if he had physically cheated or if he didn't go to therapy.
He also knows that if I even get an inkling of him cheating or doing what he did before, I will be gone. The important part is that I know that I will leave without a moment's hesitation. This is his only chance."
4. "He cheated on me when I was 19 and pregnant with his child in 2003 — he told me about it. I didn't have to corner him with evidence. He just simply came clean of his own guilt, which is ultimately why I was able to move on. He was honest in the aftermath of the cheating and so very remorseful about it all. I, however, was in pieces. I left him after his confession, and we weren't together for the next eight years. And in those eight years, we were both petty and unreasonable as co-parents, but it was because there was frankly so much love between us still. He infuriated me, but I also never found anyone quite like him and always wished 'if he could just change, we'd live happily ever after.' I infuriated him mainly because he had a whole heck of a lot of self-hatred to be projected."
"He had an extremely rough childhood and needed a lot of healing and growth. We both had other relationships during this break (I actually had a seven year-long relationship during this time). For anyone on the outside looking in, they'd think we both moved on. But in 2011, he got to a point in life where he was figuring it all out (which I was doing as well).
He was coming up on his mandatory release from prison at the time, and he had saved up several thousand dollars while simultaneously doing anything he could to support us financially too). But he had nowhere 'safe' to live and couldn't secure an apartment. I wanted my daughter to have a chance at her relationship with him more than I cared about anything.
So that's how it all began again. Within a week, we were officially back together. We got married in 2014, and in 2023, I gave birth to our son (a full 19 years apart from our first child), and we both just celebrated our 10-year anniversary.
He's my best friend, my biggest supporter, and I know he hasn't cheated on me again (nor would he ever plan to). He says he lost eight years of his life that day and has zero plans to mess that up again. We have a beautiful life now, and I honestly owe it all to that day. Had that day not happened, we definitely wouldn't be here today celebrating anniversaries together!"
6. "He didn’t physically cheat, but I found out he had a p*rn addiction and had been buying content from women he went to school with. It was devastating. I cried the way you would cry for a close family member dying. We’d had the perfect day the day before I found out. I thought our relationship was perfect — he was always kind, reassuring, and patient. We never argued. When we got together, he unfollowed girls he didn’t know on Instagram, would comment on all of my posts and like them. He even got my name tattooed on his throat (his idea). I fully believed he didn’t check other women out, let alone have a p*rn problem. The only problem in our relationship that I was aware of was our sex life, but I chalked that up to him having a lower sex-drive than me."
"When I found out, he didn’t deny it — he took full accountability. He said he’d go to therapy, get a flip phone, and have a joint bank account. I wanted to break up with him, but how can you go from being so happy one day to devastated to being betrayed the next? It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through.
It's been nine months since I found out, and he’s had one 'relapse' that I know of. We both go to Narcotics Anonymous meetings and have sponsors (on top of quitting p*rn, I decided we both needed to quit smoking weed and drinking).
We do couples therapy now, and I do solo therapy and NA, like I said. Surprisingly, I feel our relationship has become better in a lot of ways. To know everything about one another (the good AND the bad). I sometimes still think I’m a 'weak' woman for staying, but the truth is, I’m really strong. It’s harder to stay than it is to leave.
When you do the research on p*rn addiction and the shame surrounding it, it helps. I’ve never seen it as a problem of me not being enough because I know that I am. His addiction to p*rn has nothing to do with me. I can’t help but look at his inner child and believe he is capable of change.
His desire to change is the biggest thing. He was somewhat in denial at the beginning of how much of a problem it all was, but he has come a long way. Most men would say, 'Every guy does it, you’re insecure, why would you go through my phone?' etc. — but he didn’t. He said, 'I’ll get help.'"
